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      April 03

      Søren Kierkegaard

            "Without risk there is no faith. Faith is precisely the contradiction between the infinite passion of the individual’s inwardness and the objective uncertainty. If I am capable of grasping God objectively, I do not believe, but precisely because I cannot do this I must believe. If I wish to preserve myself in faith I must constantly be intent upon holding fast the objective uncertainty, so as to remain out upon the deep, over seventy thousand fathoms of water, still preserving my faith."
      April 02

      Jacques Prevert

      Le désespoir est assis sur un banc
       
      Dans un square sur un banc
      Il y a un homme qui vous appelle quand on passe
      Il a des binocles un vieux costumes gris
      Il fume un petit ninas il est assis
      Et il vous appelle quand on passe
      Ou simplement il vous fait signe
      Il ne faut pas le regarder
      Il ne faut pas l'écouter
      Il faut passer
      Faire comme si on ne le voyais pas
      Comme si on ne l'entendais pas
      Il faut passer presser le pas
      Si vous le regardez
      Si vous l'écoutez
      Il vous fait signe et rien ni personne
      Ne peut vous empêcher d'aller vous asseoir près de lui
      Alors il vous regarde et sourit
      Et vous souffrez atrocement
      Et l'homme continue de sourire
      Et vous souriez du même sourire
      Exactement
      Plus vous souriez plus vous souffrez
      Atrocement
      Plus vous souffrez plus vous souriez
      Irrémédiablement
      Et vous restez là
      Assis figé
      Souriant sur le banc
      Des enfants jouent tout près de vous
      Des passants passent
      Tranquillement
      Des oiseaux s'envolent
      Quittant un arbre
      Pour un autre
      Et vous restez là
      Sur le banc
      Et vous savez vous savez
      Que jamais plus vous ne jouerez
      Comme ces enfants
      Vous savez que jamais plus vous ne passerez
      Tranquillement
      Comme ces passants
      Que jamais plus vous ne vous envolerez
      Quittant un arbre pour un autre
      Comme ces oiseaux.

      (Jacques Prévert, Paroles, 1946)
      January 01

      Two of the poems for final exam

      Reduced to Nothing
       
      All walls, All windows, Toppling down to me
      All lives, All histories, Condensing onto my head
       
      All tables and chairs around
      Converging, into the huge armchair I’m in
       
      Submerged in the flood
      Diminished to the Minimum
       
      Reduced,
      Reduced to
      Nothing
       
       
       
      Jackstraw
       
      On the centre of the white
      Glaring, spinning are
      Drunken Choices
      Without a solid floor
      To stand
       
      On the back of the white
      Stagger, switching are
      Stealthy controls
      Frantic invisible threads
      Of thousand
       
      O, you hollow jackstraw

      December 27

      Confessions

          Ici commence le court bonheur de ma vie; ici viennent les paisibles mais rapides moments qui m'ont donné le droit de dire que j'ai vécu. Moments précieux et si regrettés! ah! recommencez pour moi votre aimable cours; coulez plus lentement dans mon souvenir, s'il est possible, que vous ne fîtes réellement dans votre fugitive succession. Comment ferai-je pour prolonger à mon gré ce récit si touchant et si simple, pour redire toujours les mêmes choses, et n'ennuyer pas plus mes lecteurs en les répétant, que je ne m'ennuyais moi-même en les recommençant sans cesse? Encore si tout cela consistait en faits, en actions, en paroles, je pourrais le décrire et le rendre en quelque façon; mais comment dire ce qui n'était ni dit ni fait, ni pensé même, mais goûté, mais senti, sans que je puisse énoncer d'autre objet de mon bonheur que ce sentiment même? Je me levais avec le soleil, et j'étais heureux; je me promenais, et j'étais heureux; je voyais maman, et j'étais heureux; je la quittais, et j'étais heureux; je parcourais les bois, les coteaux, j'errais dans les vallons, je lisais, j'étais oisif, je travaillais au jardin, je cueillais les fruits, j'aidais au ménage, et le bonheur me suivait partout: il n'était dans aucune chose assignable, il était tout en moi-même, il ne pouvait me quitter un seul instant.
       
          Rien de tout ce qui m'est arrivé durant cette époque chérie, rien de ce que j'ai fait, dit et pensé tout le temps qu'elle a duré n'est échappé de ma mémoire. Les temps qui précèdent et qui suivent me reviennent par intervalles; je me les rappelle inégalement et confusément; mais je me rappelle celui-là tout entier comme s'il durait encore. Mon imagination, qui dans ma jeunesse allait toujours en avant, et maintenant rétrograde, compense par ces doux souvenirs l'espoir que j'ai pour jamais perdu. Je ne vois plus rien dans l'avenir qui me tente; les seuls retours du passé peuvent me flatter, et ces retours si vifs et si vrais dans l'époque dont je parle me font souvent vivre heureux malgré mes malheurs.
       
      Livre VI, 1766.
      December 17

      Poetry writing course: exercise thirteen

      In-class exercise, based on the taste of a candy: (just for fun,haha)
      An aerolite falls
      Pouring
      Down unto a river
      Melting
      A universe of
      Benumbing
      December 09

      Poetry writing course: exercise twelve

       Soul
       
      Bloody red upon the pond
      Birdy ripple brushing the sand
       
      Circular sun upon the cliff
      White light on the glistening reef
       
      Slant reflections engraving in time
      Bright moist above the unfolding palm
       
      Purple mist immersed in the air?
      Or, Ghost in the machine?
       
      Never, be.
       
      December 05

      Poetry writing course: exercise eleven

      Soliloquy
      Drink the sorrow in your eyes
      Drink the mute by your lips
      Drink the light in the night
      Your ghost-like face
      Illuminate upon the dark air
       
      Drink your beating heart
      Drink your lowered head
      Drink your attentive look
      Infiltrate the crowd before
      To his eyes into your heart’s core
       
      Drink, you silly creature
      A Despair, a supreme ecstasy
      A zest but west towards death
      A happiness that devours time
      An endless wait, along it
      Stretching duration
       
      Nothing needs to see
      Nothing needs to say
      Nothing needs to hear
      When his voice sounds
      You just be, in the audience.
      Mute, unmoved, eyes closed
      Yet your soul, melt with his
      Shining and hugging
      On the realm above
      November 30

      Poetry writing course: exercise ten

      Window
      An obscure corner of a house
      Papers scattered around
      Characters spilled into pieces
      Of which in the midst
      Crouched is a writhing man
      Submerged in a gentle illumination
      Covered in photons, the sore clusters
       
      Along the direction of his head
      Slant is the wintry sunset
      A path dimly pours in
      From the silhouetted windowpane
      Outside against the lilac skyline
      A wisp of rosy mist wavering
      And beyond, boundlessness
       
      Another obscure house
      The same slant of sunset
      With a touch of yellow old
      Through a different windowpane
      Shining, to the opposite wooden wall
      On which a silhouetted woman
      Waving her hand to the remote
      And beyond, boundlessness
      November 22

      Poetry writing course: exercise nine

      Noumenon

      Slices of sunset pour down
      Then golden particles float among the air
      Then golden particles filter between the bare
       
      Cool wind blows over the autumn
      Then pieces of shadows flow
      Then different paths change
       
      Balalaika trembles from the remote
      Then light gleamingly shining the above
      Then hearts waning like the lute of love
       
      Outside the causality of phenomenon
      Where is that dwelling place
      Of the reality, of that very noumenon

      Poetry writing course: exercise eight

      Home

      The door slightly opens
      Out dimly radiating
      The light, and shadows
      Floating on the wall
       
      Slowly zooming you in
      The white hot light
      Soughing leaves beaming above
      Silver path winding beneath
       
      Summoning from distance
      The Duet, Soar to the azure
      Diminishing in the air
      Fading, in the memory

      Poetry writing course: exercise seven

      In-class exercise within 20minutes, based on a photo
       
      Above
      Grayish atoms permeate
      Rolling, storming and thundering
       
      Beneath
      A withered leaf mute
      A stone path unmoved
      Shadowing, subtle lights
      Interlock, on the extending of the time
       
      In between
      A red tiny girl
      A mysterious smile
      A zest in solitude
      For the past, condensing in one minute
      Diminishing, along her stretching hand
      November 06

      Poetry writing course: exercise six

      A Gloomy Evening
      Leaves soughing in the wind
      Yellow, withered, variegated
      Dancing, the tiny holes
      Moth-eaten traces
       
      You squeeze through the crowd
      You begin to talk to me
      Your voice sounds
      Something seizes my core
      Tears, swell in my heart
       
      I lower my head
      Drooping my eyes
      Your voice keeps
      My tears swells
      Yet I cannot say a word
      Yet I cannot say a word
       
      Dusk condensing out
      Wind pooping the panes
      Yes I know, quite well
      I know, all of these, clearly
       
      Wind wraps leaves, knocking on the door
      Wind wraps leaves, rustling across the chill
      Yes I know, quite well
      I know, all of these, clearly
       
      Yes I know, all of these
      Even lowering my head
      I know, all of these
      Even drooping my eyes
      Even hairs, curtain before me
      I know
      All of these, clearly
       
      Tears swell in my heart
      Pins prick on my core
      I look into you
      Looking into you
      Yet I cannot say a word
      I cannot say a word
      Mute, dumb, being forever

      Poetry writing course: exercise five

      Life
      Splitting, the abrupt rupture
      Twigs whiz out of my bosom
      Budding in a flash
      Wavering among the air
       
      Rocketing, the frantic growth
      Unto a bang with the interior
      A bell-shaped container
       
      So solid, so transparent
      Cold, like fine particles
      Sneaking into my body
       
      I do twine about the wall
      I do tear upon the wall
      I do gnaw into the wall
       
      Yet stuck in a closed space
      Diminishing, bit by bit
      Reduced to nothing
      Spontaneous process irreversible
      October 21

      Poetry writing course: exercise four

      Poetry
      A net
      A twined net
      A twined nylon net
       
      A net
      A strained net
      A strained struggling net
       
      A net
      A net brusquely breaking
      With thin yarns of each breaks
      Wafting, along the air it breaks
       
      And the net beyond
      A void
      A misty mystery
      An infinity
      October 16

      Poetry writing course: exercise three

      Scheherzade of Rimsky-Korsakov
       
      Billows tilting up and sinking down
      To the heave of the melodious dawn
      Equally with the rhythm of my heart
      Where Violin overflows like a dart
      Trembling and sobbing
      Melancholic like my heart
       
      Through the golden blurry bright
      Sparkling is the radiating light
      I shun from the real saying
      Escaped from my inner being
      Scared its keen subtle sensation
      Slumping into deeper desolation
       
      My heart weeping, to the
      Nostalgic tune’s exhaling
      Gigantic strings like the vast woods
      The immense silence reveals the secret truth
      The clarinet gliding, the wind sliding
      The safe light of warming
      Under which stones solemnly frolicking
      On the dry soft field of the woods
       
      I sail; glistening is the sea
      Shivering wind circles salty moist
      And sunlight pokes grayish mist
      Drops of the light trickle down
      Into the chromatic transparency
       
      My heart weeping, to the
      Nostalgic tune’s exhaling
      The truth in the memory
      The trace in the age-old imagery
      I take on my grand black frock
      Treading to the horizontal drippy sun
      My head lowering in the gown
      A divot of Primrose, a piece of sky
      The ancient sight
      My soul is there
       
      The woods tilting up and sinking down
      To the heave of my heart’s core
      Deep in the forest are the remote echoes
      With the clarinet gliding, the wind sliding
      And the safe light of warming
      Stones solemnly frolicking
      On the dry field of the woods
      I soar up to the azure,
      Hovering and looking down
      Transcending every dawn
      I am free, in a splendid realm
       
       
      October 06

      Poetry writing course: exercise two

      Memory
      Desire twitching in my blood
      I see your eyes
      Penetrating the thick grey of mud
      Fretted I am
      On thorns of fierce flying flood
       
      Seemingly a dice
      At the extreme of the time
      Stinging me for desires
      I jump and override
      For every calling it cried
       
      Hammering at my core
      Whenever I recall
      The white shaded noon
      With you roamed by the poon
       
      I felt my sight, when
      Looking up your profile
      Melting in the light
      Of radiating style
       
      A stick simply can
      Agitate me till stun
      The memory with you
      A memory
      Never comes back again
      September 30

      良宵吟题解(转)

         “良宵引”之为曲,亦以合律之音而述良宵之景象事情,而形神兼备,以成佳曲。
       
        义解则依《松弦馆琴谱》,解其一音一句,成其象以明其义。其始于下。
       
      背景:
       
      良宵朗月 独倚亭榭 秋籁俱静 灯火不兴
       
      曲始:
       
      (第一段)
       
      清风拂面来 幽幽微微
       
      俄而飘逝 思绪随之远
       
      枯叶两三 风中轻旋 旋之又旋 落于阶下 又欲起时 风已去 再下而止
       
      枯叶再三 轻飘不散 盘于空中 趋于地面 欲起不起 风静而已
       
      忽而拂于面颊 欲看时,已至庭前 再而落于前,手欲捧之 而叶飘忽于手起之风,数旋而止于掌心 掌倾叶落 飘然足下 心下感慨 思绪万千 (繁茂亦终有尽 而天地亘古 虽知我辈如过客 匆匆然 来又远去 然生为三界有情 能不在其中乎 能不受其扰乎 有情众生之苦 于此矣)
       
       
      (第二段)
       
      故事上心头 深远连绵 一声轻叹 惆怅再起
       
      心绊于情而上下 欲定之而又摇摆 不自已而神游往昔 旧事旧情 激荡于心 思于其后 其意深长
       
      往昔已逝 若忽忽然 神回于今 尚存一念 追溯故情 心头数转 随逝去而趋于平
       
       
      (第三段)
       
      回思已毕 愁绪更增 旧事已释 仍怀旧情
       
      心下辗转 一再难息 强自平静 尤难释怀
       
      再上心头 不下眉头 心怀激动 欲静不能
       
      情思荡漾 终于释然 感慨不已 长叹复长叹
       
      愁情松释 再忆往事 神往思之 何不如是
       
      于是激动再起 深思其后 此耶彼耶 知造化弄人些
       
      一切皆成过去 神又回复当下 追溯之情渐远 逐风而逝 只存故人之思 心念定于此 而不复乱
       
      (结尾)
       
      旧事已淡淡 虽思之而情不复动 心下明因果 是而不复惑于情 故交欢愉之事 随风来去 终远逝 心下清明 还顾良宵朗月清风 又欲念时 故人渐远 轻叹一声 世事多深浅 罢了
       
       
      曲至此而终 义韵犹存 是以太息片刻 不可骤起
      September 25

      Poetry writing course: exercise one

      Rain
      Walking in the rain
      Yellow withered leaves
      carved variegatedly
      On the red-brick pavement
       
      Tiptoeing in the prudence
      Map of the yellow and red
      Sketched confusingly
      My coming whole life
       
      Cautiously avoiding
      The mud water on the ground
      Living for dignity and elegancy
      I feel the mud, running down my leg
       
      Vexing and annoying
      I cannot bend to wipe
      In the haze of the mist
      I walk like a ship
       
      Coldness filtering
      Half-awake pores
      Undermining body
      Invading into the soul
       
      Bloody-red photinia
      Wasteland of hysteria
      I kick out all the order
      Exhaust up every infinitude
      I live, for all the lives one can live
       
      Yet front is only a mud of water
      A yellow withered leaf
      A dying man of blood
       
      African ants is swarming
      Into my body frantically
      Gorging my heart
      Drinking my blood
       
      I crouch and weep
      I stagger in the wind
      I crawl on the mud
      With the void inside
      And the wet outside
      August 20

      无聊至极的结果:

      我的信念似山,于是,山崩了
      我的信念似石,于是,石裂了
      我把信念收到抽屉里,然而,被虫蛀了
      好吧,我找来保险柜
      结结实实地锁好它
      可是,上帝啊,我竟然忘记了密码
       
      很久以前,我以为那棵老槐树
      最安全
      披着星光和树影
      我把信念埋到地下,
      可惜,似乎活得太久
      记忆开始变得模糊
      或者,时间过得太快
      所有的槐树都一齐变老?
       
      我抬首仰望 头顶的星空
      低头思索 内心的道德法则
      依然了无头绪
      究竟哪颗槐树
       
      很久以前
      我时常坐在树下读书
      白色的风吹过
      草地散发出迷人的水气
      阳光抓起大把的树叶
      慢慢地 慢慢地
      洒向大地
       
      等一等
      我大概糊涂了
       
      很久以前
      我时常坐在树下睡觉
      紫色的风吹来
      淡蓝的雾霭
      灰色的夕阳
      浓密的枝丫抚上我的书页
      草地的残阳
      慢慢地
      洒向睡熟的我
       
      然而,一切都变了
      我醒了
      跳起来追逐远处一个
      炙热耀眼的东西
      拼命的奔跑
      告诉自己那是太阳
       
      它太刺眼 我看不清
      只是疯子般一直奔跑
      唯一的念头
      就是竭尽所能靠近它
       
      周围都是黑暗
      光就是从那里来的
      我离它越来越近
      越来越近
      越来越近
      越来越近
       
      我到了!
      却发现世界坍塌了
      我紧紧抓过它
      拼命摇撼
      结果是 本来瓦数不高的
      地下室灯泡 断了钨丝
      我置身绝对的黑暗
      没有星光
      因为是在地下室
       
      我怀念树下的日子
      因为 可以睡觉
       
      不过 这都是很久以前的事了
      还是想想到底
      我把信念埋在何处
       
      太疲倦了,很想找棵树睡觉
      但愿可以睡得着
      很久没有睡过了
      可到底是哪颗槐树?
      国槐? 洋槐? 龙爪槐??
       
      好吧 或许那根本就不是槐树
      还是 我根本没有埋过它?
       
      August 16

      一个夏夜

       一个夏夜
      我的窗敞开
      敞向无边的静谧
       
      没有窗帘
      或者窗帘消失
      夜空笔直地流入
       
      浮游于虚空之中
      似乎 灵魂
      在风中抽象到
      世界的尽头
       
      冰峰闪烁
      炙白眩目
      水滴循势而下
      不急
      不缓
      不紧
      不慢
      没有风 没有声
      没有形而上学
      甚至没有水 没有冰
      只是
      清脆 空灵
      高邈 宁静
       
      无须思考
      无须判断
      每个毛孔都散发着
      宁静 和空气
      淡紫的雾气
      无限纤细的知觉
      在清澄的黎明
       
      我的脚伸开
      伸向积木般的迷乱城市
      我的臂张开
      张向刺眼浮云的白色天空
      我的身躯就是空气
      消散 弥散
      布满中间无数粒子的空间
      我的目光 环绕四周
      聚成蜿蜒飘忽的天际线
      我的心 我的胸腔
      我的魂
      除了理性 什么都是
      除了金色 什么都不是
      我是世界 又是虚无
       
      琴声消逝
      一切结束
      窗子关闭 窗帘浮现
      我坐在窗边
      夏夜已尽
       
      而理性
      像一个巨大的微笑
      出现在黎明灿烂的天边